On how old we are..
On the premises of immaturity, idiocy, innocence, and whatever that's in-between.
I was talking to Saeed (or Sid), a close friend of mine who is 42, and asking him this question: “You’re 42 but how old do you feel you are in your head?”
His answer was: “16!” 😂😂
And there’s truth to that. My friend is technically, an idiot (in a positive way, he’s British and this can be a compliment), and that is the exact reason why I love him. There’s honesty and freshness to the notion that one really knows how to not take themselves seriously.. And I’m that person too.. Not afraid to self-deprecate, or even sometimes unintentionally self-jeopardize hah..
I have another friend and ex-colleague who always say: “I don’t know why I do embarrassing things, but I just seem to do them sometimes in work meetings too.” and she is one of the most honest people you can meet..
Recently, I spilled a whole cup of coffee on the floor of a cafe, and I laughed at it. Visibly, the people working at the cafe were not the happiest, but saw my eagerness to help as a positive and were gracious (I had just spent like $70 buying bags of coffee from there, so they should be). Another customer saw me shuffling and said: “Don’t sweat it, it happens all the time.” My response:
“True. But I’d like to think I’m not 7 anymore..”
But How Old Are You?
I’ve always felt a lot younger than my age, and I've either said: “You should call me Uncle” to younger people, or “I’m 12”.
And I think of this often. I feel like I’m still 23. I’m 38. I still act like I’ve still got a lot of life ahead, when I’m nearing 40. The youthful spirit is something that I’ve always had, that’s why I’m always the “favorite uncle”, cause I’m willing to go to the kids level. I happen to read this article a couple of weeks ago. It’s good to know that I am not alone in this. Not only that, I’m not alone with '“established” people. Which is interesting.
Internally viewing yourself as substantially younger than you are can make for some serious social weirdness. - Ian Leslie
The ability for someone to have the optimism to perceive life as something that is not complete yet, and feel the energy to go through it even when they’re nearing ‘middle age’, I’d like to think that this is commendable.
The article I mentioned earlier by Jennifer Senior reflects on many aspects of this feeling, but the one that caught my attention is its association with quality of life, and how non-Western or societies with less economic power might not feel that ‘subjective age’ as strongly. This is definitely the case in societies where old age is celebrated and revered such as Asian societies and the likes.
Reading on the subject seems to come up with a couple of interesting ideas on how social and economic factors play a role in how old or young someone feels. The one interesting aspect about it is how our perception of ‘subjective age’ shapes not only our mental health, but also our physical health too. I think it’s a chicken/egg situation where one affects the other and it’s a feedback loop into the other. This BBC article expands on it.
I’ve been thinking about this article, since I’ve read it and was talking about it with many of my friends, so I asked one of my friends yesterday who was 30something) the question, his answer was: I feel I’m 50. Looking at how he perceives his life in general and how his worldview is shaped, I could see why.
Is this Foolish Optimism?
I don’t think so. Or, I don’t care to be honest. I’ve always thought of it that way. Having the ability to detach yourself from the constant theatrics of social life and having to ‘perform’ in front of everyone on the constant. This is why I’m clinging to this sense of what I call:
“constantly having the ability and inclination to be an idiot is better than being constantly a ‘measured’ person.”
If this foolishness gives me all these physical and mental health benefits, I’ll welcome it! This ability to humiliate oneself willingly brings with it an inclination towards humility in general, and I found these two things to be strongly linked.
Measure yourself vs. Enjoy yourself
I found the people who are always cautious about a ‘measured’ image the least fun to be with, or around in general. The inability to drop your guard and have fun as life goes, is one of the most difficult things to do in general and I have to say, I suffer from this a bit when I’m interviewing for jobs and I’m learning about it as I get into interviews. This desire not to ‘exaggerate myself’ is deeply itched and ingrained in who I am, I tend to undersell myself in so many situations, and I’ve been told this a couple of times by numerous people. I say this as someone who has always struggled with this aspect of the capitalist approach to work: the need to overemphasize yourself. I’m trying to learn it as we go.
But It’s When Other People Start Aging In Front Of You, Is When It Hits..
And after being away from home for almost a year, and seeing how gray hairs are showing in my mother’s eyebrows, is when it hit me. People are getting older, and life is moving with or without me there. It’s a scary thought, this one.
- My departing thought is this:
“You could just as well make a different case: that viewing yourself as younger is a form of optimism, rather than denialism. It says that you envision many generative years ahead of you, that you will not be written off, that your future is not one long, dreary corridor of locked doors.”
So, How Old Do You Feel?
Currently Reading:
How thinking in another language can help you make better decisions. This is seriously fascinating, and eye opening. I’ve definitely said that thinking in another language is different than thinking in Arabic, but I’ve never seen it laid out like this. Better decisions? Only time will tell lol.
“Don't fear me, if I come back a little undone I'm ready for a hard landing if it gets me home..”
And you said, "So, do you ever wanna leave here?" And I said, "Well, that depends on the day" And you said, "Oh, do you even wanna be here?" And I said, "Well, that depends on the way"
Till the next one..