On Self Image..
The one where I show off about running a half marathon, and think about how we see each other..
So serious…
I’ve been debating this idea for a while with myself as I go through the days observing the humans around me. So, let me get this out of the way: I ran a half marathon and I’m secretly happy with it, but also not so secretly critical of my decaying muscle that is getting worse with every run that I run on it.. I could’ve cut my time by 10 minutes if it wasn’t for it, but that is another topic of “manning up” and whatnot..
So while I was running, I was just having fun as participating in this size of a race/event never occurred to me as a longtime runner.. I ran alongside 25 thousand people and this number boggles me..
Then it dawned on me:
We’re so obsessed with self image that we don’t really get to live life in a way that allows to not take ourselves too seriously..
As someone who was sure that I’m not gonna get that prize money, and as someone who is generally drawn to idiocy and silliness, I was just having fun as I was running around, encouraging people, high-fiving whoever wanted a high-five, calling people out who are taking selfies (it was one guy and he shouted back: “It’s for my son!” and everyone burst out laughing hah), I had people really be very annoyed with me.
While a stranger being annoyed with me isn’t the biggest worry of my life, I found it hilarious that someone who isn’t necessarily gonna be on that podium was taking themselves so seriously it was annoying to them that other people were having fun. Now, while this wasn’t the nature of the interactions, it got me thinking. Runners are outward looking people in general: the act of running with people, running outside, and all these aspects kind of contribute to a “friendlier than average” person, or so I’d like to think.
Had to use it!
The contradiction of the individual existence in the world.
Not any world, but New York City too.
The idea of the self-image is such a concept that is inhibiting to human existence in its truest form, yet we can’t get past this inhibitor to a more authentic life. Why? I can’t figure it out. my confirmation bias leaves me with the perception that I’m a bit sillier than an average someone who is in their late thirties, yet not due to a lack of growth, but due to an understanding that all this seriousness isn’t necessarily healthy. The studies on the importance of play in adulthood are abundant. Yet, it is not that kind of “intentional” play is what I am referring to. The cliché phrase “the inner child” is what I refer to. That non-fear of being embarrassed is exactly what I’m referring to. We tend to forget ourselves in the daily life of being an adult that embarrassment becomes the thing that someone should avoid at all costs.
I say this in one of the ‘Meccas’ of ‘individualist cultures’ of the world. A place where ‘everyone to themselves’, ‘jungle’, and ‘you’re on your own’ are all phrases representatives of the place I live in.
Yet, there is a sense of ‘making an image’ for oneself that someone has to carry, and it does feel like a burden on a lot of the people I meet that they have to ‘mask up’ in order to be accepted as serious/legitimate/driven/etc. people. What people usually miss in the ‘image’ is that people generally associate these traits with traits they generally do not want to associate with themselves, and want to be people who are ‘fun to be around’ and all, yet they still maintain a ‘polished’ image in front of strangers.
Is it authenticity?
I think this is the word I am looking for. The contradiction I was referring to is that even when there is an emphasis on ‘being the individual’, we still look outwards for society for validation. Coming from a culture where the emphasis on the ‘collective image’ of the whole family/tribe is paramount to someone’s being in society, this is not only magnified, but encouraged from young age. This reflects heavily on the cultures where the ‘self-image’ is part of the professional being and their livelihood. What I find interesting is in those communal cultures, the community can overlook and ‘forgive’ someone within it with a tarnished self-image solely for the benefit of the community, while in individualistic societies, there is no one that can save the ‘individual’. The pressure we put on ourselves (or don’t) in being authentic can be dangerous and sometimes alienating, and puts so much pressure on the individual attempting to be themselves while maintaining a self-image that is ‘presentable’ towards the world.
In the pursuit of being ‘authentic’ with other people we have to go through a phase of exploring ‘other people’ in order for us to be our ‘authentic’ selves with them. This begs the question: what does ‘being authentic’ mean?
You Can Be Serious And Silly..
Another trap we fall into is our inability to distinguish between being serious, and being silly. The contradiction lies in our perception of the ‘need in time’ for one to be silly or serious. We conflate both to generalize on a human’s behavior and tie them to their self-created image within us. Ironically, I just remembered one famous quote.
“Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.” - Al Capone
This rings true in all of the people we meet and the situation we find ourselves into and the emotions we encounter within us or within the people we meet. The complexity of ourselves lie in our ability to recognize the fact that people have many faces, and what they show us the most is what we remember of them, and of ourselves.
But the question remains: how can we both silly and serious?
Then, what drives us to create a self-image?
Is it a self guided practice..? Or is it a societally-imposed concept? What would your life be if you didn’t have to be perceived? All these are questions that I believe are driving my thinking as I engage with this idea and grow with it and stretch it..
Running around with 25 thousand people, I found myself joking with strangers and calling people out (selfie guy!), and encouraging runners and all that, and I was telling the friend I was running with that there’s no harm in “acting like a 12-year old” if it makes me feel a bit lighter and makes people feel lighter about themselves too. This not only backfires from time to time, but it also doesn’t save me from the occasional embarrassment, which I believe is a fair tradeoff for having fun..
So here’s a proof:
Currently reading:
Spirits of the Earth: A Guide to Native American Nature Symbols, Stories, and Ceremonies by Bobby Lake-Thom. (another book cover appreciation). As someone who’s always been interested in mythology and folktales, this is fascinating on so many levels.
The Undiscovered Self, The dilemma of The Individual In Modern Society, by some Carl Jung. I think I’ll return to reading this tiny book more than once.
Currently listening:
African Rhapsodies, where Kora meets Orchestra.
Here’s a photo I took from a hike around two weeks ago:
Till next time..