Hello again..
I was reading Adam Grant’s Substack and I saw this article from Leslie Jamison that engages with the idea of what we recognize now as the “imposter syndrome”. It is surprising to me how long we’ve been engaging with the idea that others have always maintained a higher esteem of us than we did ourselves, and how long we’ve gone without coining a term for it. The phrase: “You are yourself’s worst enemy” with its variations always comes to mind when dealing with self doubt, or self confidence for that matter.
As long as we’ve been thinking, we’ve always griped with the enemies that are within ourselves, and for that we have always referred to others to help us; philosophers, religions and their leaders, kings and queens, and a plethora of other types, to allow us to better understand how do we engage with ourselves when we face the world.
The article lays out a significant & important historical background on what we have defined as “The Imposter Syndrome”, and we get through it to understand the syndrome from a scientific point of view, and the conceptualization of what we see today as a daily phenomena. It also discusses the idea of how different minorities have engaged with this theory and how people can refer it to racism, sexism, and social justice at large and Leslie does a fantastic job at laying out. It’s an interesting one, and I urge you to read it!
We all know Socrates’ “I know that I know nothing” when asked by the oracle of Delphi, and a lot of us believe that this is our first interactions with self doubts, documented for the ages, and repeated again and again. and again.
“The wisest man that ever was, when asked what he knew, replied the one thing he did know was that he knew nothing”.
Michel de Montaigne
He wrote about himself a lot, and he didn’t hold back!
I’ve been reading a collection of Michel de Montaigne’s essays recently, and my first thought was: “I now understand how important he is, and how underrated he is also!”. If I can summarize the feeling to it it would be like reading Seneca in a somewhat modernized settings and language.
In his essay: On Presumption, he writes:
“The domestic government, house, horse, of my neighbour, though no better than my own, I prize above my own, because they are not mine. Besides that I am very ignorant in my own affairs, I am struck by the assurance that every one has of himself: whereas there is scarcely anything that I am sure I know, or that I dare be responsible to myself that I can do: I have not my means of doing anything in condition and ready, and am only instructed therein after the effect; as doubtful of my own force as I am of another’s. Whence it comes to pass that if I happen to do anything commendable, I attribute it more to my fortune than industry, forasmuch as I design everything by chance and in fear.”
- Michel de Montaigne
Here, he writes about how everything he views by his neighbor specifically strikes him both as “though no better than my own” he looks for his neighbor’s work in admiration. The ability for him to both see the intellectual & social aspects of it at the same time sounds like a revelation, given that he was writing these essays in the late 16th century. Maybe he didn’t refer to himself as “imposter” but he mentions that he is “struck by the assurance that everyone has of himself” while he still doubts himself attributing all his success to chance, and being in fear. Isn’t that we think of today as imposter syndrome? The fear of being caught..?!
Montaigne then goes to describe how we as humans tend to disagree about how we see ourselves and vary in between philosophers and attempts to say that it is more of a fact that randomness shapes us in ways that we are not able to pinpoint and understand. He then goes on into laying his thoughts about himself a lot more clearly to us (maybe too clearly):
“But to return to what concerns myself; I think it would be very difficult for any other man to have a meaner opinion of himself; nay, for any other to have a meaner opinion of me than of myself. I look upon myself as one of the common sort, saving in this, that I have no better an opinion of myself; guilty of the meanest and most popular defects, but not disowning or excusing them; and I do not value myself upon any other account than because I know my own value. If there be any vanity in the case, ‘tis superficially infused into me by the treachery of my complexion, and has no body that my judgment can discern.”
What struck me from this passage is him recognizing in himself that he underestimates himself, and yet recognize how others see him. “I do not value myself upon any other account than because I know my own value”. The internal self-doubt that we build within ourselves is what he refers to here, and he mentions it many times in this essay.
After that, he did go a step further:
“What I find tolerable of mine, is not so really and in itself, but in comparison of other worse things, that I see well enough received.”
And nothing beats this famous quote from Marcus Valerius Martialis:
“The truth is, that nothing is more confident than a bad poet.”
But What Was De Montaigne Saying?
He Was Both Self-Deprecating, But Very Self-Aware Too.!
I believe that the first modern man, in recognizing his own qualities and his own insecurities, lays out to us the way to have the humility to engage with the outside world, but also points us towards the way people see themselves in relation to others. What we usually think of ourselves is a lot lower than what others think of us, and this is the definition of imposter syndrome in the social setting.
In that, Montaigne guides us to the idea that humility comes from the knowledge of the unknown, and hence he points to the insecurity we might face when interacting with the outside world.
In addition, Montaigne tries to separate the notion of “being bad” and acting it out, and actually striving to be better, as he points to in the essay as “because I know very little” and contrasts it with the example of the arrogance of bad poets.
If I were to summarize what I learned reading the essay on presumptions, I would say:
de Montaigne tells the world that he’s ok with that feeling himself. Which is revealing, given the time his essays were written and published.
What we know as “imposter syndrome” has always been with us, it just didn’t carry the name, and it’s interesting that even the greats felt like frauds. This is a magnificently reassuring thought.
Men of Brooklyn, and The Modern Man
While I was reading that specific essay, a lot of things came together in a serendipitous1 way. The article from Leslie Jamison, Adam Grant, and this from Holly Robinson, about men, and how men feel ‘beaten down’ already. In my head (I’m not sure how it does in yours), the link between imposter syndrome, specifically in women as laid out in Jamison’s essay, and how that imposter syndrome turned into a form of disdain for ‘striving’ as easy as it may sound. The “I’m not real, might as well give up” can be a form of response to the modern man/woman ability to externalize factors of failure.
But hey, I’m not free from blame here! I blamed Imposter Syndrome for my laziness too.. Holly Robinson writes:
“What’s going on? I wondered. Do men in their twenties and thirties—a time when they’re supposed to be charging forth into the world, making strides in their careers and building relationships--really feel that stupid? Or was this just a special quality shared by a certain type of young man in Brooklyn who wants to poke fun at his vulnerabilities in front of people?”
I believe this ties in very well with how Montaigne was feeling about himself, but the main difference was Montaigne recognized it, publicized it as a form of observation, and tried to rectify it by attempting to improve the faculty in which he was thinking of, his writing. Meanwhile, we hear: “I’m dumb, I’m beaten down” rhetoric from men in general.
But, that’s another subject all together.
I guess what I’m saying is:
Read The Essays, Learn about Montaigne. Attempt something. I guess this is my form of attempting something, writing these thoughts. But “Que sçay-je?”, as he said.
Also, you can listen to good music like this. Maybe I’ll write about my fascination with West African “independence era” music.
Update: Further Readings:
I had to google its spelling. What a word!