On Years Ending..

And the accountability that brings..

Growing up in a Muslim culture that is heavily driven by the ‘Hijri Year’ for celebrations and occasions, we never gave much attention to NYE as it was a form of ‘Western Celebrations’ that we don’t really care about in Kuwait.

There are so many levels that why that wasn’t a thing, but there are the obvious religious ones, but also the cultural ones including not ‘succumbing’ to The West as a form of identity defeatism. This is in spite of our years being technically modeled after the Gregorian model: Work started early, ended late in the afternoon, School starts in Sept. and end in June, and so on. But still, nothing special in NYE. It’s just a day. But is it?

---

In a sense, yes. It’s just another day technically. This means that I generally don’t tend to do anything on the day or its eve, nor do I make substantial plans or ‘New Year Resolutions’ or attempt to. Ok I will admit, I only started doing so in the last 4-5 years maybe. I still attempt to finish at least 25 books a year.

It’s only when I started paying very close attention to “new year resolutions” is when I started failing them miserably. And rightfully so, it’s a recipe for failure and an invitation to an unnecessary pressure. I have failed royally this year.

Last year, after a great year of running in 2022, I declared: I want to run 2023 kilometers, because the year before I was able to get close to that number. I think I ran around 1800 KMs. (Yes, I’m in the US. I still run in kilometers, like the WHOLE WORLD 👀). I am not even close to half that number. Unless I run more than 1000 KMs tonight.

I also failed miserably too on my book reading goals too. I don’t think I’m even around 50% of that target. It took me around 4 months to go through one book this year, an unusual pace for me as I generally get through 2 books a month.

But I managed to put in some good work in other aspects of life. Somehow completed a move to another country, and got through the US immigration system (this needs a series of posts, not a single one, what a disgraceful system), and hopefully starting a job soon inshallah¹, which I want to write about as well. This job hunt is not fun to be in, but nothing short of wild and insightful to be honest.

---

Lowering the New Year Expectations

If I want to leave the year with one takeaway, it would be this:

“I’m not in control.”

Our whole existence is dependent on means that are way beyond our reach, control, or even comprehension. We don’t know why things happen in most of our days, and yet we still ride the waves of our lives with the imperious and arrogant confidence of peacocks. I’ve spent most of last year with some of my life’s most influential outcomes coming from the actions of people I have no influence or control over (no one should have any control over any people anyways). As the impatient Arab that I am², this was hard to get through. The inability to affect change in my own life was a big lesson.

I mentioned this about the illusion of control that we live with, and while I’m writing this, I find this little snippet on the Notes.

While it has some truth, It’s divine and weird, it still serves a purpose.

The inability to control one’s life and recognizing is one of the most liberating factors of my last year. I knew I can’t control people’s emotions, reactions, motives, and to a lesser extent, my emotions, reactions, and motives. This past year put it all in action on all fronts: faith, family, work, self, and even sports.

The ability to see that lack of control allows for a sense of peace that comes with letting go of the steering wheel of everything in life, and all the stress that brings to the modern life. Man’s quest for domination of every aspect of his life is an absurd thing, while Man knows that tripping on the sidewalk can put his life in danger. Literal existential danger. Yet, we still try to dominate every aspect of our lives like we’re gods. How significantly insignificant we are, and how arrogant.

I know that my hands are tied when it comes to the ability to control this life, knowing that I live it in the world. Outside. Hence, my ability to ‘dominate’ my life to the extents that I can come up with ‘targets’ that I aim to achieve is a bit unrealistic. Instead, I think of life as an arc, that joins two points, just like its definition. The only hope I have for it is to point upwards as the years pass.

How Do You Call This Lack of Control?

Give your wishes or prayers or your intentions to ‘God’, ‘the universe’, ‘Mother Nature’, or however you call it. This is the admission that one lacks control.

As for me, as a believer in the deity and control of God (Allah), knowing that allows me to get through life a bit easier. All that’s required from me is to go through my life with the recognition that I can go through it with His assistance and guidance, and with that comes the peace that my lack of control meets His choice for what’s best for me.

We pull also from the prophet’s tradition in which he was teaching a young cousin³ who was traveling with him:

“And remember that if all the people gather to benefit you, they will not be able to benefit you except that which Allah had foreordained (for you); and if all of them gather to do harm to you, they will not be able to afflict you with anything other than that which Allah had written for you.”

The modern world replaced this wisdom with: “if it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be”. This recognition of our meagerness in facing the world allows us to see ourselves for who we are: small fish swimming in the oceans of history.

In the Kuwaiti metaphors, we say:

“If you run like the beasts, other than what’s for you, you won’t get.”

---

Going Into A New Year

The fascination with optimization of every living moment in our lives to serve a purpose or a goal diminishes our ability to move forward in life with a larger arc, or attempting to get through our days with a bit of grace & forgiveness towards ourselves.. Hence, I rarely set large or concrete goals for myself during a new year’s period or during the reflection that comes from accountability sessions around the end of the year.

I don’t really like the wold accountability as the connotation of ‘catching yourself’ with the shortcomings is such a negative starting point to start a year with. Instead, I’d like to think of it as a continuation of a lifelong process of bettering myself, and hopefully bettering the life experience for people around me, even with the unpredictability of living life in the world.

Recognizing this unpredictability and lack of control equips us with the ease of mind required to face the difficult times that come ahead, instead of freaking out at every little hiccup that goes against our plans, a symptom I see clearly in the modern life we’re living in. But letting go of that tight hold of the steering wheel of our lives that makes us feel the smallest bump in the road like it’s an earthquake; maybe this is what we need more of. Allowing life to be slightly unpredictable, slightly less organized in its minute details, just so that we allow ourselves something of a quiet moment, or an unplanned joy, or maybe a shared meal with a friend who gave us a call 20 minutes before. This is what the modern human needs, slightly loosening the grip on life’s direction, slightly less acting like we’re some form an invincible god, because at the end of the day: one call that is 20-30 seconds long can change the course of our lives forever. Or a small misstep on the road can let us sit on our behinds for months on end.

You, and I, are not in control of this life. Let’s stop behaving like we are.

How Does This Year End?

One cannot go this year without the recognition of the lives lost to the zionist culture of death and annihilation. We remember more than 20,000 lives lost to a racist regime, that aims to erase a whole people just for the sole reason of them being who they are.

I was talking to a friend of mine today, and discussing it with him, and through all our frustrations and horrors I said: “I just want children to stop dying..”

With this comes the recognition that without the Divine Justice, none of this will make sense, and nothing will be explainable. We pray for the families lost, complete lineages of thousands of years erased, places of worship that survived over millennia demolished, and laughs and innocence stolen from the lives of mothers and fathers. May their justice be swiftly served.

---

Finally..

May the arc of this year point upwards for you, and for the arc of your life to be better than you thought it would be for the next year and the years after it, and if it doesn’t, that’s still ok.. Nothing is guaranteed anyways..

I asked on Notes: if this year was a song, what would your song for 2023 be?

As a music aficionado, I think Walking Backwards by Ben Howard sums up what I attempted to say in this edition of the musings..

Till the next one. Much love to everyone who subscribed, joined, commented, interacted, or laughed at me from a far. It’s all good. 🍉

---

---

Other Things:

📷: From a fantastically foggy walk in Concord, MA. I wonder what kids ‘luv’ cops…

📚: Hope Over Fate: Fazle Hasan Abed and the Science of Ending Global Poverty, by Scott McMillan

As an international development professional, BRAC has always been a great example of an organization that gets work done, and lets the work speak. Sir Fazle Abed (BRAC’s founder) is an embodiment of that ethos. If you don’t know BRAC - which I assume a lot of people don’t -, do take a look at one of the most effective poverty reduction programs in modern times.

👂🏼: Listening on how Cape Town slaves in the 17th century used acapella to trick the Dutch colonialists into thinking that they’re singing, while they were technically reciting muslim hymns, and reading the Quran. A history of how that distinct Sufi sound came to preserve a tradition against oppression, and how Dutch colonialists inadvertently helped Islamic expansion in South Africa. https://sacredfootsteps.com/2023/01/11/podcast-cape-towns-circle-of-saints/

Maybe another one:

From the 10% Happier podcast, I think this conversation with Diana Winston, the Director of Mindfulness Education at UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center on mindfulness and how to know if it’s working. I keep coming back to it from time to time, to refocus and recalibrate.

1. My favorite word of all time. Here’s why: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/25/magazine/inshallah.html

2. The stereotype has some truth to it. It has to do with the climate. No seriously.

3. “One day, I was riding behind the Prophet (ﷺ) when he said, "O boy! I will instruct you in some matters. Be watchful of Allah (Commandments of Allah), He will preserve you. Safeguard His Rights, He will be ever with you. If you beg, beg of Him Alone; and if you need assistance, supplicate to Allah Alone for help. And remember that if all the people gather to benefit you, they will not be able to benefit you except that which Allah had foreordained (for you); and if all of them gather to do harm to you, they will not be able to afflict you with anything other than that which Allah had pre-destined against you. The pens had been lifted and the ink had dried up".